When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Once upon a time there was a magical kingdom. Then Chuck Norris came, and it wasnt so magical.

Chuck Norris doesn’t see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris never misspells a word. If he does, he simply changes the spelling.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

When Chuck Norris speaks, everyone listens… and dies